yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
