woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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