dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
