just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
