"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
