well most of my day revolves around power hour
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize