Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
