You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
