please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
