is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
