Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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