I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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