I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
