It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
