yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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