Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
