My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize