Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize