ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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