I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
