She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
