Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
