didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize