Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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