No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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