We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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