belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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