so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize