Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You made out with two different species that night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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