I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize