Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
