Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
