He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
