Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
