We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
