first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're too hungover to prance.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
