Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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