return my video game
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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