You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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