I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my liver is dry heaving
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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