there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
