I love black thongs
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Itβs like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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