Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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