You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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