Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
