I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
