can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize