a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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