but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
