Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
