look no pants
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
love makes seman taste better
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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