Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
