can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
