Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
