Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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