i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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