Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Floor bacon is actually really good
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
