I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
