Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
