When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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