Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
