seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
