I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
