He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
