Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
