just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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