before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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