I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize