I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
