why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
