it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
