she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
