you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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