Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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