We're facebook friends in real life
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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