The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
