Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
