Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
