This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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