I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
