I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
