You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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