peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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