my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
