Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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