so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
