I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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