Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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