So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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