True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
