i wish my penis had a tongue
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
