i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
