Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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