At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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