They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
And then he peed in my hair
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