I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
