I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
