there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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