In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
