It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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