She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Boobs speak an international language.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
