I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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