Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
only if we run a train.
done.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
