roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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