I need to stop coming to work sober
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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